No Alibi!

Sex crimes carry some of the harshest penalties in criminal law. These crimes should never be excused or given an alibi.  No one ever deserves or asks for sexual assault to happen.  100% of the blame, shame, and responsibility lies with the perpetrator.

1992, Rome, Italy — An 18-year-old girl was raped by the 45-year year old driving instructor who was taking her to her very first driving lesson. He took her to an isolated road, pulled her out of the car, removed her jeans and forcefully raped her. She reports the rape, and the perpetrator is arrested and prosecuted. He is then convicted of rape and sentenced to jail. 1999, Rome, Italy —The driving instructor appeals the sentence, claiming that they had consensual sex. The case makes it all the way to the Italian High Court where the conviction is overturned, and he is released. A statement from the Court argued that because the victim wore very tight jeans, she had to help him remove them, and by removing the jeans it was no longer rape but consensual sex. 

This became known throughout Italy as the “jeans alibi.”

Every year the last Wednesday in April, wearing jeans has become an international symbol of protest against erroneous and destructive attitudes about sexual violence. No one deserves to be assaulted or asks for rape and no alibi should excuse it.  The court’s reasoning, which became known as the “jeans alibi” sparked outrage and fueled the movement to challenge victim blaming.

https://denimday.org/history

The term “sexual assault” is commonly used to refer to any form of sexual violence or abuse that involves physical contact in a sexual manner and/or rape between the perpetrator (person responsible) and the victim. People often feel comfortable saying 'sexual assault' rather than 'rape' as if that lessens the severity of what happens.  Sexual assault can also be aggravated sexual assault, which usually means the aggressor also used a weapon or threatened additional harm to the victim.

At Xquisite, sexual assault is an intrinsic experience we navigate with the majority of survivors we serve. Sexual assault is woven into every threat of violence and is used to control the survivor into compliance and becomes the enforcer that paralyzes and confines. The use of aggravated violence is a reality for many of our survivors – youth and adult. 

The challenges our Xquisite “Diamonds” (the beautiful ones we serve) face regularly is very hard to overcome, when the constant threat is not just a threat, but a real promise that the consequences of seeking help will be immersed in sexual violence. It is not their choice to live in fear of sexual assault and rape, it is their reality. Most of our “Diamonds” must also live with or be closely controlled by the perpetrator, making it extremely difficult to escape.

We have discovered that surrounding our “Diamonds” with a loving community of trauma informed care from advocates, who truly want the best for them, gives the survivor a glimpse into what can be a new journey away from violence.  For a few moments every week, we create a sense of community to build trust and a place of respite away from violence.  Our “Diamonds” crave and value these moments to be seen and loved unconditionally. However, the very reality is that most of them, once they leave the safety of our center, must return to an environment of hate filled violence.  Sure, we are just a text away and will always be available to meet anytime, but having to go back to a place of torture is a very lonely existence. 

I would surround every beautiful Diamond we serve with a loving cocoon and provide that escape from the atrocities they live under. Physically, at least right now, that cocoon isn’t possible. But every moment I can express true and genuine care to try and ease some of their trauma until such a time of escape is navigated, I do. 

Our center is designed to do just that, a moment of escape, a place to rest, away from the violence and hate filled life. 

I see the results of the toll sexual assault, rape, and violence has. It infuriates me at times, but my job is to be different than the perpetrator that is fueled by rage and violence. My job is to love unconditionally, providing a way of escape and a glimpse into something bigger than their situation. A sense of true community.

Xquisite fights to extend the opportunity for all survivors to be seen as valued, loved, and filled with potential as we believe them, no strings attached.

There is a lot of evil in this world, there is no alibi to excuse it!